Tomorrow we find out the results of Thursday's PET scan. My brain is thinking really miserable, morbid thoughts, and I can't make it stop. I want to be positive; I really do. But my brain keeps wondering what will happen if the PET scan shows more cancer. What will he have to do next? Can we do more chemo? How much chemo can a person stand before the treatment kills them? What if he has to go on disability? What if the doctor gives us a time frame for how much longer he has? What would I do without him? How will I afford to live? Would I sell the house? Could I sell the house? Should I get a condo instead? How would I possibly get the house ready to sell? The experts say to not make any decisions for at least a year after a spouse dies, but what if I can't make the mortgage payments? Who will mow the lawn? Who will remember to change the oil in the car?
Shut up, Brain. Just shut up.
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