Wayne is having another batch of horrible side effects from the chemo, so they're giving him some time off, and then he'll start up again with another new cocktail. This current chemo cocktail has made his hair fall out, given him horribly painful blisters on the palms of his hands and soles of his feet, and now his fingernails are turning purple. The blisters are popping and oozing before finally scabbing over and it truly looks like he has some form of leprosy. He keeps saying to me, "I'm sorry I'm so gross." I don't even know what to say to that. I keep trying to tell him that he's not gross, but some of these issues are kind of icky. Yes, he's still my husband, and yes, I still love him, but my attraction level is bottoming out. Granted, the stress of this whole thing has pretty much killed off both of our libidos, but still it would be nice to be able to look at my husband and not be worried he's going to be in pain or his fingernails are going to fall off if he touches me. I miss us.
The doctor promised two weeks off, and then he'll start up the treatments again. It's nice to have the time away from the poisons, so we can enjoy our spring break this next week, but it just gets added on the other end, so it will go even longer. The doctor said he's never seen one person get so many negative side effects. How lucky can we get!
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