For the last year and a half, I've been battling insomnia. My doctor tells me to relax. Everyone else says to just stop worrying. Yeah. Just stop. Why didn't I think of that? Since the last PET scan, I've been doing better. With the help of some medication, I have started sleeping again. Each week was getting a little easier, and I wasn't feeling so morbid and waiting for Wayne to die.
Until this week. This morning, Wayne is at the cancer center to get his first six-month follow-up PET scan, and for the last week, I've been awake. I know I must be sleeping at least a few hours a night, but it feels like I'm just laying awake or rolling around or listening to him breathe. All. Night. Long. And my brain is alive with worries. During the day, I pay attention to every time he clears his throat or coughs. Is it back? Is this irritation from the radiation, or is it something more ominous?
